//an interesting thing i began doing the other day was something i always thought i should do. as someone with what i consider to be subpar long-term memory, i began writing out my entire life in a google doc, from birth until today. not in story format, but rather a list. im listing every single event of any significance, obviously in chronological order. i recommend everyone tries this. i have been remembering things that have happened to me for the first time since they've happened, it's been kind of surreal. and like with anyone else, there are many moments in my life that i prefer to not think about, and so i haven't thought about them too much. now that a whole lot of time has passed since then, and i don't care about anything for the most part, it's been quite the treat to go down memory lane. i've been working on it for about 4 days now, and i feel like there's so much more to discover, it's like i've been flipping through the pages of a book that is my life.
what's also cool about it, is you can scroll through it, and as you add more and more details, your life starts to look like a well written story. it starts to come together like a puzzle, the more you add the more of the full image you see. i've always had problems remembering if certain events happened before or after each other, and now things are a lot clearer to me. i started by numbering the most important things that happened to me in my life, and then in between, adding in all of the smaller things that happened as a result, and the even smaller things that branched out as a result of those.
in the beginning it was bare, but i've been adding to it for about 4 days now and i really think im getting close to my full life in bullet points. it's about 10 pages right now. obviously, you could add a million details about every single thing, but that was not the point of this. the point is to end up with a linear timeline of your entire life, strengthen your long-term memory, and help you understand how your life has unfolded in the way that it has.
it's no secret to anyone that i have great deal of mental issues. sometimes i act in ways that i would never even think of, in those moments i don't believe 'i' am in control. when you lose control, who does it go to? were our ancestors so crazy to think that mental illness was demonic possession? i wouldn't be surprised to find out if most patients at the time agreed with the sentiment. anyway, if you've ever felt like your life has been, or is out of control, this is a good way to dig deeper. i assume this is the 'feeling' you're supposed to get from talk therapy, but that stuff is for women. what i'm talking about here, this is for men. this is about reflection and contemplation. let me be very clear about this. the purpose of this is not to work out your emotions or traumas or whatever gay shit you feel, the purpose is simply to be able to document and assemble a timeline. with this timeline you could come back to in the future at any time and add to it. you could add events as they happen and also add events as you remember them.
this was something i've thought about doing for the last 2 years but have procrastinated terribly. i would post it on this site as an example so you guys can see for yourself, but there's way too much identifying information included, and i'd like to remain a bit anonymous. i could change or blur some things in the upload but that defeats the purpose, it is essential that you are 110% honest when writing this. you cannot avoid embarrassing moments, or painful memories. everything that is in your memory must be included in this or you are cheating yourself and you might as well not do it at all. in fact, the memories that you'd prefer to not include may be the most important ones to add. these difficult events have molded you, and as you add them to your list, you'll notice that maybe you started to act a little differently after them or maybe you made different decisions. these are the types of events that will give you the most insight into yourself. while your first kiss may have been a defining moment or a fond memory for you, for most people their first kiss will have very little effect on their life, i personally forgot to add mine and just went and added it now. these memories are pleasant and should be added but these are not the memories in which you will be deriving the most meaning from. so, add your worst memories, maybe even add them first. write out your list in whatever order you want but remember that if you plan on being ≤99% honest, then don't do it at all because there is no point. i'm sure you've heard 'the truth will set you free' at least once or twice in your life. things like this are what that is referring to. once your list gets nice and full, you'll start to have answers on why you act the way you act written in plain english. good luck and God bless.