write out your entire life

//an interesting thing i began doing the other day was something i always thought i should do. as someone with what i consider to be subpar long-term memory, i began writing out my entire life in a google doc, from birth until today. not in story format, but rather a list. im listing every single event of any significance, obviously in chronological order. i recommend everyone tries this. i have been remembering things that have happened to me for the first time since they've happened, it's been kind of surreal. and like with anyone else, there are many moments in my life that i prefer to not think about, and so i haven't thought about them too much. now that a whole lot of time has passed since then, and i don't care about anything for the most part, it's been quite the treat to go down memory lane. i've been working on it for about 4 days now, and i feel like there's so much more to discover, it's like i've been flipping through the pages of a book that is my life.

what's also cool about it, is you can scroll through it, and as you add more and more details, your life starts to look like a well written story. it starts to come together like a puzzle, the more you add the more of the full image you see. i've always had problems remembering if certain events happened before or after each other, and now things are a lot clearer to me. i started by numbering the most important things that happened to me in my life, and then in between, adding in all of the smaller things that happened as a result, and the even smaller things that branched out as a result of those. 

in the beginning it was bare, but i've been adding to it for about 4 days now and i really think im getting close to my full life in bullet points. it's about 10 pages right now. obviously, you could add a million details about every single thing, but that was not the point of this. the point is to end up with a linear timeline of your entire life, strengthen your long-term memory, and help you understand how your life has unfolded in the way that it has. 

it's no secret to anyone that i have great deal of mental issues. sometimes i act in ways that i would never even think of, in those moments i don't believe 'i' am in control. when you lose control, who does it go to? were our ancestors so crazy to think that mental illness was demonic possession? i wouldn't be surprised to find out if most patients at the time agreed with the sentiment. anyway, if you've ever felt like your life has been, or is out of control, this is a good way to dig deeper. i assume this is the 'feeling' you're supposed to get from talk therapy, but that stuff is for women. what i'm talking about here, this is for men. this is about reflection and contemplation. let me be very clear about this. the purpose of this is not to work out your emotions or traumas or whatever gay shit you feel, the purpose is simply to be able to document and assemble a timeline. with this timeline you could come back to in the future at any time and add to it. you could add events as they happen and also add events as you remember them. 

this was something i've thought about doing for the last 2 years but have procrastinated terribly. i would post it on this site as an example so you guys can see for yourself, but there's way too much identifying information included, and i'd like to remain a bit anonymous. i could change or blur some things in the upload but that defeats the purpose, it is essential that you are 110% honest when writing this. you cannot avoid embarrassing moments, or painful memories. everything that is in your memory must be included in this or you are cheating yourself and you might as well not do it at all. in fact, the memories that you'd prefer to not include may be the most important ones to add. these difficult events have molded you, and as you add them to your list, you'll notice that maybe you started to act a little differently after them or maybe you made different decisions. these are the types of events that will give you the most insight into yourself. while your first kiss may have been a defining moment or a fond memory for you, for most people their first kiss will have very little effect on their life, i personally forgot to add mine and just went and added it now. these memories are pleasant and should be added but these are not the memories in which you will be deriving the most meaning from. so, add your worst memories, maybe even add them first. write out your list in whatever order you want but remember that if you plan on being ≤99% honest, then don't do it at all because there is no point. i'm sure you've heard 'the truth will set you free' at least once or twice in your life. things like this are what that is referring to. once your list gets nice and full, you'll start to have answers on why you act the way you act written in plain english. good luck and God bless.

2025 - the beginning of the precrime dystopia

//if you have been paying close attention to the news as of late, you would have heard about a study done recently by a group called "n.c.r.i." which stands for "network contagion research institute" and some other 'academics,' famous israel shill, jordan peterson being one of them. the institute says that they are a "neutral and independent organization whose mission is to identify and forecast cyber social threats and report on them in a timely fashion." they intentionally try to sound innocuous, but they are essentially a sub-sect of the anti-defamation league. they claim to be "neutral," but they're very obviously geared toward jewish interests. the group has developed a type of software that uses a.i. to scan the internet and generates reports on social media users based on parameters set by the researcher. this is tool will be used to determine the 'math' on public sentiment. by quantifying what people are saying, you can literally map out what the population is thinking in a way that was previously impossible.

the study they published this last week used this powerful a.i. model to scan billions of posts across the internet, using an algorithm to designed to detect subtleties and underlying meaning in the language, some people call these 'dog whistles,' such as when people say online that they are "noticing" with very little other context, the untrained eye may see this post and not understand what they are talking about, but the more internet savvy person will understand that the person is talking about jewish influence and jewish control. this would not be apparent at first glance, this knowledge comes with time. another example is the '109' dog whistle, which refers to the number of modern day countries that jews have been expelled from throughout history. you see, the whole reason people came up with these dog whistles in the first place is because jews have been the one group that you have never been able to criticize no matter what. you were not allowed to criticize black people for a short while, but i think that has come back in full swing. but still to this day, if you talk about the jews online, 99% of websites will ban you without giving you a reason. so over time, people had to get smart with how they spoke on this topic on websites that don't allow free speech. when the jewish powers that be began to catch on to what was happening, they coined the term 'dog whistle,' a message that only some people can hear.

to combat these people exercising their free speech, jewish groups have been developing this a.i. model that can scour the entire internet and find all the supposed anti-semites in one swoop. the way the algorithm they designed works, is by seeing which words and phrases are most paired with others. the main example of this being the title of their paper, "thy name in vain: how online extremists hijacked 'Christ is King.'" in their paper, they claim the word that is second-most posted by people who post "Christ is King," is the word "jew." they also say that the most popular posts containing the phrase for the last few years, were all posted by famous antisemites and whom they consider to be "bad," untrustworthy, or immoral. the crux of their argument is that antisemites have taken the phrase "Christ is king," and turned it into somewhat of a slur used to bully and taunt jewish people. 

certainly there are tons of ways people are supposedly antisemitic on the internet, so what is the big deal with this certain phrase? well, if you know anything about jewish people and their history, you'd know that they really hate Christianity, Catholicism especially, on top of their hatred of europeans. jews have been pushed around, exiled, forcefully converted, and damn near enslaved in Christian nations since their inception. because these nations were founded on Christianity, it makes sense that they would mistreat this group of people who deny Christ is the messiah. modern jews will claim that the Vatican has tons of stolen jewish libraries, artifacts, and art. which is true, but tough luck. they should've fought harder. so every time a jew hears the phrase, "Christ is King," you are bringing up this 2,000 year history of jews getting tossed around by Christians, the true holders of God's kingdom. and like any other demon, when they hear Christ's name, they cower in fear and gnash their teeth in agony. "Christ is king" is the nature of Christianity distilled into one phrase. by calling the phrase antisemitic, they are effectively lowering the rate in which the phrase is said, because some people really fear being called racist or prejudice. they will shun recital of this phrase as hard as they possibly can. the point being, if they were able to have you killed for saying it, they would, but they can't because even the dumbest people in the world would notice something like that, so they have to remain covert. just like they can't outright ban people's social media accounts for naming the jew, because people would notice and it became too obvious, so they came up with shadow-banning people to stop their posts from reaching a lot of people while maintaining the illusion that their website still has some semblance of free speech.

of course it's awful that there are jewish companies that are funded by the u.s. government designed to spy on you, but that's not the issue here. the issue is the precedent this is setting. before we know it, the police will be knocking on you door, not just for writing something that they don't like online, which is already happening in the u.k., but they might come for you if they think you may do something bad in the future, based on things you write, opinions you hold, or websites you visit. since the n.c.r.i. is a nonprofit, they don't have to follow any constitutional guidelines that a government organization would normally have to while spying on you. usually to be spied on by the government at this level, the agency or agencies that were trying to do so would need to obtain a warrant by proving probable cause to a judge. but since this is a nonprofit that is funded by the government, they can easily bypass constitutional protections. government intelligence agencies like the c.i.a. and f.b.i. will then send contracts out to these nonprofits and obtain information on citizens without ever having to speak to a judge. so this creates the perfect trifecta for controlling public sentiment, you have research groups, intelligence agencies, and last but not least - law enforcement. this trifecta will be used in the future to suppress, and entrap people. they will also be analyzing the posts of people they consider to be 'extremists' and cross reference those posts with everyone else, and if the a.i. model detects that you may have similar opinions and temperament to their so called extremist, on the government watch-list you go. this is what governments have called "precrime," which is the ability to detect if someone will commit a crime in the future. in this case the crime being, revolting against whatever tyranny is being brought upon us.

if this sounds really complex for no reason, they do that on purpose too. just like they always make the names of their organizations very vanilla and unsuspecting, it's suppose to go over the head of the layman. they do things in a very convoluted way to make it difficult to explain and understand. in their mission statements they use the most dry and vague institutional language that is meant to sound like jargon so that most people don't think anything of it and don't look any further. but rest assured this is one of the most sinister things on america's horizon, which is really saying a lot. getting arrested for a youtube comment sounds like something america would never stoop too, but i'd never be so sure. it was not too long ago they were toying with the idea of imprisoning people for not getting an experimental vaccine, because getting them fired from their jobs wasn't enough punishment for them apparently. to say that the united states government has any sort of morals or concern for your well-being is the dumbest idea ever. they poison us everyday through our food, through pharmaceuticals, they've been slowly killing us. at this point, it only makes sense that anyone who has been resistant to all of the psyops perpetrated by them would have to be dealt with. the disagreeable, non-docile, intelligent, and resilient members of the population have to be controlled in some way, because of course they don't want any sort of uprising to occur. they see that "Christ is King" for the first time in a long while is trending upward instead of downward, and they are absolutely terrified. every time it is posted on twitter, a jew is reminded of his lost place in the Kingdom of Heaven, he is reminded of europeans burning his ancestor's talmuds, he is reminded that he is jewish. the last thing they want is having a nation of american's chanting "Christ is King."

so, seeing this trend of Christianity making a comeback, they have to spring into action. while i was looking for the study this company had done, i saw some articles from last year and the year before where ben shapiro and the daily wire had been talking about this phrase being used in an antisemitic way, but until this past week, no formal papers had been written on the subject, it had all been speculation. now that this organization has essentially proved that this phrase is beloved by antisemites, myself included, so now their objective is to figure out how they can get it banned by any means necessary, and jews know their law books way better than they know how to be decent people, so trust me they will figure it out. i'm sure we will be hearing in the news about antisemites getting arrested and doing jail time within the next few years if things don't make a change - mark my words. the algorithm will be used to both ban accounts speaking about israel and jews in general, the people identified will be subject to entrapment, account suspensions, or worse.

this is one of the main reasons i started my own websites and i use this one to write. the censorship of mainstream websites sickens me to my core. using them fills me with a rage that is indescribable and new to the human psyche. never before did humans have to deal with the infuriating antics of people they couldn't see, or be instantaneously banned from social settings without warning by an invisible moderator in which you are incapable of contacting. it's disgusting, it's communistic, it's cowardly, it's something only a kike could come up with. so here on my website, i write whatever i want and no one can delete a thing i write except me, and it only costs about $12 a year. so if one day you see that this site is gone, just know that initiatives like this was the reason why. the sovereignty of america and it's people are under attack, and all most citizens want to do about it is scroll tik tok. i can't even describe to you how frustrating it is when you tell people about stuff like this, and their response is "why should i care?" it makes me want to blow their fucking head off, because how useless could you be. the american revolution happened 250 years ago over a 1% tax on tea, and it produced the wealthiest nation the world ever saw, nothing but abundance. it was possible because people back then saw tyranny on the horizon so they acted. right now, tyranny is already here, on the horizon is slavery, and getting someone to even care about it is like pulling teeth - i feel like i'm losing my mind sometimes. if you're still reading, that means you're not one of those people, and let me tell you, when the time comes, we will certainly have to leave those people behind. they are dead weight, they complicate things and make it more difficult to secure positive change. instead of thanking someone else for caring about their sovereignty for them, they look at you like your some crazy person for caring, makes me absolutely sick. they might as well be on the side of evil, even though they aren't active participants, they make it that much more difficult to deal with our enemy, and i'm sure the jew counts on them to act as this buffer between them and us. by making "bigots" the biggest social pariah, they cover quite a lot of ground. to stop someone from spreading their ideas, they simply mark them as a racist, and then 'normies' wouldn't touch their ideas with a 10-foot pole, in fear of receiving the same label. 

we are looking at a very dark future for america. it's actually quite scary. if we had a population of people that were more similar to the americans of 1776, it wouldn't be so scary. the thing is, i'm not sure if the modern american is ready to stand up for anything at all. this became very clear to me during the pandemic, americans with a fighting spirit are the minority these days. they are docile cowards. "take my freedoms, take my blood, sweat, tears, take my money, take my speech, my thoughts, my life, my future, i won't do anything about it. i might even vote for it. just don't take my porn, abortions, and iphone, you can have my soul for free." it really is shameful and pathetic if you think about it. after kennedy's assassination, the boomers gave our country over to israel, the millennials followed suit, and now that the effects of this mistake are becoming apparent, gen-x has decided that they don't care enough about anything to make a stand. the zoomer population seems to be much different though, so maybe it isn't time to black-pill just yet, but either way our future is going to involve a lot of pain whether it's done to us as an act of tyranny, or it could be conflicted upon us by rushing into battle. the powers that be would never give up control without a fight, remember that we will never vote our way to living in a normal society, something has to be done. 

and with that being said, i'd like to welcome myself to the watch-list the n.c.r.i. has put me on for posting this, and i'd like to say hello to all the fellow members of said list, it's going to be fun!

wasting time

//time moves at different paces depending on where you are in the world. anyone who's lived in a big city and has travelled to the country-side will tell you this. it's one of the first things that people from the country come to the big cities complain about, "everyone's in a damn rush." so we certainly both experience time in much different ways, but who's is better? most would say that the answer to this question is subjective, but i don't really think so.

for instance, when people from new york city take a trip to a rural part of the country or europe, what do you always hear them say? "oh it was so nice to finally slow down, relax, it was a beautiful change of pace." however, when people who have never been to a city finally go to one, you usually hear them talking about how everyone is rude, everything is expensive, it smells bad, there's homeless people everywhere, there's dangerous criminals everywhere, you can't take your eye off your kids for even 2 seconds, you get the point. another thing to note is that people don't vacation in a city, they just visit, more or less to see what it is like in that city. no one says "i took a vacation over in chicago." that's insane. people take vacations in areas where the pace is slow, and there aren't many people around. these are the two main prerequisites. the weather does't even matter, as long as you will be comfortable wherever you go. some may vacation in the swiss alps like i have, or go camping. it's ironic that what was once the thing that all people did from birth until death, is now a vacation or hobby for "outdoorsmen," because you know, we need words for people who go outside now considering how uncommon it is becoming.

so why am i bringing this up? everyone knows that people like to relax and enjoy nature, what's the big news? i'm talking about the relatively new idea of "wasting time." i spent the overwhelming majority of my life with this concept in the forefront of my mind. to me, wasting time was like slapping God - the mindset of a true new yorker. things had to be done, and they had to be done now. why? well because then someone else might surpass you. there might be people your age doing "better" than you, truly the scariest thing of all.

some people are driven by a passion they have, and this is what propels them to work, and you'll notice that these passion driven people, they're never rushing. they're usually taking their time, enjoying what they're doing, and learning everything they can in the process. however, this is not the modus operandi of the modern man. the modern man has to compete with other "men" on instagram to see who can look the coolest and richest, while also being the most nonchalant about it. this peacocking through social media is the newest and most prevalent mating strategy amongst people. it is a race to see who can become the richest in the shortest period of time. if you're a person obsessed with more, more money, more stuff, more women - this leaves very little breathing room for rest and relaxation. "because while you're doing that, someone else is outworking you!" we all know someone who spouts that bullshit, because i used to, and when i did, pretty much everyone nodded in agreement.

the thing is, unless you know you're goin to die soon, or you have some sort of other extenuating circumstance like if you don't make rent you'll be homeless, there's no reason to rush anything you do. all a person needs is food, water, and shelter, so anything more than that is simply for fun or pleasure. american consumerism is a disease of the mind no different than addiction. we are tricked into believing we need all the stuff, and if we don't that means we were not "successful" in life. this is a whole system designed to keep us enslaved. we have to keep working and paying income tax, so we can buy the new shiny toys (and pay tax on that) to impress our neighbors who will hate you for having more than them. but don't relax just yet, because they just announced that in 6 months from now, a newer, shinier version of the thing you just bought is coming out, and your neighbor might just get his hands on one. they don't call it "the rat race" for no reason.

if you scroll through any social media, as a man at least, it's impossible to not see hundreds of different dudes trying to sell you a course on how to get rich. they all advertise it in different ways but they're all doing the same thing, which is capitalizing on the fact that the american dream has long dead, but there's billions on this planet who still believe in it. so what we're told is that we need to work 90 hour weeks if we want to have half of what our parents had for working 40, and by the way, your wife will need to work too. these boomers lived and thrived through the best economy of anywhere in the world, anytime in history, they all bought houses in their early twenties that have went up 30,000% in value which they refuse to sell for $10 under market value, they told us all to go to college which did absolutely nothing for us besides straddle us with monstrous debt, and after all of this they have the nerve to look us in the eyes, call us "entitled" and tell us "pull yourself up by your bootstraps!" - a phrase which originally meant something that was impossible to do, now is the bare minimum expectation of us. so i think it's time we all drop out of this absurd system that was designed exploit us. these people up at the top, would suck the blood out of your veins for a few extra dollars, and every day millions of people slave away to pay them taxes that they don't deserve and won't do anything that we want with it. it's completely sickening, and every year, they tweak the system in such a way to squeeze just a little more out of you. whether it's raising income tax, speed cameras, parking meters, tolls, inflation (the invisible tax which occurs when they print money,) business taxes, licensing fees, insurance, property taxes, luxury tax, carbon taxes, capital gains tax, it is fucking never ending. it costs $25 a year to renew your fishing license in new york state. whoever came up with that idea should have a giant hook jammed into his head and hung from a post. that's what the founding fathers would've done anyway.

when i started my business, the amount of taxes i paid went up so much i couldn't believe it. i was already paying $900 a week out of my paycheck, but when i saw how much taxes i owed in april, my jaw dropped. and if you try to make more money, they just take even more, and the more employees i have, i have to pay more. more, more, more. it doesn't incentivize business, and anytime you make any significant progress, you are knocked back 20 steps at tax season or whenever your licenses have to be renewed. it is a system designed to keep people slaving at their 9 to 5, and churning out those paychecks for uncle sam. so the idea that the unemployed in this climate are the losers, is no longer the reality. i had already lived my life jealous of the birds and wild animals, but it was getting to the point where i started to be jealous of homeless guys. "those men are truly free." you could see it on their faces when the police threaten them. "put me in jail, so what?" some may look at the homeless and see someone who will never own anything, but neither will we. even if your house is paid off, try not paying taxes on it and see what happens. see how much you really own your house and not just renting it. in a year our phones will be obselete, our car won't pass emissions inpsection, there will be a new streaming service to add to the list of subscriptions you pay every month, and you will be unhappy, just like now. so no one owns anything. we rent everything we touch.

in scripture, the only time you will hear about expedience is if they're talking about you stopping your transgressions. there is nothing holy about participating in a jewish/satanic system of debt, usury, and taxation. Christ said give Ceasar what belongs to him, and give to God what belongs to God. the surrounding context of this was that people were questioning whether or not paying taxes was sinful, since that money could be given to the church. so what i believe Christ meant by this was that your money doesn't matter to the church, but your soul belongs to God, this is the only thing that is required to enter the Kingdom of God. He doesn't care with what you do material-wise here on earth, even the notion that he would would be absurd to anyone. so when you work, you are giving your time and your vitality away, you are essentially giving your body, your flesh, to a corporation. for this sacrifice you deserve to live a life with a roof over your head and your belly full. but these days the average person has to work 80 hours a week to achieve this, and this is no way to live. the problem is that continuing to feed this system will only perpetuate it's existence for even longer. and we act like we don't have a choice, but we do. it doesn't mean quit your job and become homeless today, but to continue the rat race and claim there's nothing we can do as individuals or as a group, is a level of cowardice i didn't know humanity was capable of.

so, for the last 6 months, i've been doing nothing but hanging out, writing, learning new things, getting into new hobbies, pursuing said hobbies, consuming stolen entertainment, learning new skills, and most importantly, i've been feeding the wildlife in my backyard every day and night. i've completely dropped out of this arbitrary competition. i'm off social media, i have no stake in anyone's life but my own and the people around me that i decide to talk to. no one ever thinks about me, just like they don't think about you. and if they did, it wouldn't bother me at all. i have been collecting many tools and sharpening my skills to the point where if i had to, i could go live out in the woods on my own, but with some other people it would be a breeze. i've also been learning computer programming and the basics of electronics, so if i had to deal with something on the tech end of the spectrum, i'm primed for that as well. it's getting to a point where i feel like besides lifting 500 pounds, there's not a whole lot of things i'm not able to do by myself. it's one of the best and most distinctive feelings in the world, and i've never felt so confident. so yeah, compared to other years of my life, i've made almost no money, but i really don't care. i don't even have a cellphone plane, i don't need anything. i have what i need to survive.

as for the wildlife in my backyard, there are 4 different cats, about 5-8 racoons, 1-2 red foxes, chipmunks in the warm months, and many different birds. i feed them whatever scraps and leftovers we have in the house and watching them eat brings me immense joy. there's a small brown bird, and a medium sized gray bird who have both seem to have taken a liking to me, the brown bird has even flown into my house 2 separate times. one of the cats seems to be okay with my presence, last night he stuck the top half of his body in the house. one raccoon has already done this, and while i love the raccoons and we hang out outside sometimes, i know how crazy they are, so i did not allow him in the house. the cat however, i have been begging to come in the house, maybe one day soon he will. get to know the guys living around your house. it's 2am right now and as i'm writing this, my favorite raccoon is about 10 feet away from me chowing down on cat food, he is no longer afraid of me unlike the cat, it's quite amusing. he walks right up to me and accepts treats with manners and respect, raccoons are extremely gentle and polite. i have no idea where their bad reputation comes from. maybe it's because they creep around at night and look like bandits.

anyway, whether it sounds like it or not, i've been having the time of my life. sure i want to buy a lot of new shiny things right now, but even when i was hustling my ass off 24/7, i felt exactly the same way - like i was missing something. i have come to terms with the fact that i'm always going to want something shiny and new no matter what i have in my hand right now. that's just how most of us are wired, at least i for sure am. the difference is that right now, i'm using my time and vitality to enrich my mind, body, and soul. entrepreneurial minded people like myself may see what i've been doing for the recent months and think to themselves that i'm wasting my time, so it's a good thing that it was my time to waste. i think that living to pay taxes and buy the new iphone once a year is a waste of a life, thank God, it's my time to waste.

on death and regret

//this is a topic i've been wanting to discuss on here, and since this was very heavily the theme of my last post, i figure now is a good time. also, as a person who has been dead at least twice in my lifetime, i feel specially qualified to speak about it. if you don't care to hear about my feelings toward death throughout my life, you can skip to the "--".

as i may or may not have mentioned in my last post, dying has never been a fear of mine. in fact, knowing that a great deal of people struggle with the fear of death has confused me for about as long as i've been alive. however when i was a kid, i remember being afraid of hell, both the concept of it and the possibility of going there. knowing that God was reading my mind every moment, sometimes i would struggle with having impure and stupid thoughts, and i would feel a sense of fear that God knew that i was thinking those things, and that whenever i died, i would burn forever as atonement. i don't know how i feel about explaining the concept of hell to children, because on one hand it could be quite scary even to a brave child, but on the other hand, the thought of it certainly keeps a lot otherwise bad children in check and acting right. if i had to pick one or the other, i think children should be taught about hell, but it's not up to me so who cares. 

this idea as a child was the only true fear of death i could say i've experienced. as i grew older and began to have a much better understanding of God, heaven, and hell, this fear of spending an eternity in a volcano with satan would flee from me. but funnily enough, i don't look back on those feelings of fear and find them to be silly, i still to this day understand why i had those thoughts and feelings. 

with the concept of heaven or hell removed, it makes absolutely no sense to me that someone would fear dying. maybe this is the take of a young, stupid, or depressed man, i don't know. but really, if you're dead, you won't know that you're dead, so what is the fear? maybe people think there is a pain associated with dying by natural causes, because obviously i understand the fear of being stabbed or shot or something similar, the fear of pain is much more rational to me. i've even heard many times before, people saying that they are afraid that when they die, they will be simply "locked inside a prison of black, alone with just thoughts forever." to me this seems like a ridiculous idea, but if you've never been dead before, i could certainly understand why someone might think that this may be their fate, although, i don't think even the cruelest of gods would doom each human to this sort of ending without an ending - nor would it make sense physically or biologically. 

there is one thought about dying that sort of haunts me a little bit, and that is the thought of dying and not having any trace or record that you were ever here. i guess this may be the point of this site when i think about it, otherwise these files would sit on my computer and never be seen by anyone. but the idea of putting my writings on a server, that will certainly outlast me, and a whole lot of people after me, it gives purpose to an otherwise useless act. it is a hope that whenever i die, there will be many things that i've done that will outlast me. maybe i won't be forgotten as quickly. i wonder why i care about that anyway.

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if you found out you were going to die in the next five minutes, would you be happy with the way you've lived your life so far? are there any regrets that immediately come to mind? it seems to me that the common perception is that people will only regret the things that they did not do. but i think this is extremely an extremely hollywood/disney version of what real life is. "oh but just think, you'll always regret not saying something to that one girl! you'll never know what your life could've possibly been!" you absolutely cannot think this way. if you're always thinking about the paths you didn't take or the opportunities you passed up on, you'll "what if" yourself into insanity. God gave us an adventure and we made our choices along the way, whichever direction we decided to go in made the most sense to us at the time of making the decision, that's why we chose what we chose. you didn't have the knowledge you have now. i mean, do you think about every decision you make now under the guise of, "i wonder what future me knows!" that's ridiculous. you choose a path and you move on. also you never know, you may have ended up getting murdered, or squashed by a bus, or ended up with some weird incurable disease if you had went down the opposite path that you're so heartbroken about missing out on. 

so it's very silly to me to regret things that you didn't do, because all we have is our imagination on what could've been, and as we know, we tend to be believe that the grass is always greener. and that's why i think this idea of "you won't regret the things you did do" is complete dreamland bullshit. people absolutely regret things that they did do. i see it all the time, and so do you. some of us choose to ignore this, i was one of them, when i was much younger. and as you could imagine, i've grown up to do a lot of things that i definitely wish i didn't do. definitely err on the side of caution when making decisions. you don't want to end up feeling stupid forever because you said some stupid shit that you didn't mean at all trying to get one of your girlfriends back. your emotional wellbeing, and happiness cannot depend on the outcome of a given situation. this is the only way to ascend past the point of acting like a chimp when things don't go your way. because usually in life things usually don't go your way, and the less you freak out when this happens, the less likely you are to do something that 50 years from now you look back and say, "man, i wish i hadn't hit that guy with a pipe all those years ago, because then i would've never have gone to prison where i got stabbed by that shank with aids on it." or even worse, "i wish i had just left that girl alone, now she's accused me of rape and i have to move to another continent if i ever want to have a shred of a normal life again."

if there's anything to gain from reading this, it's that you must be 1000% outcome independent. buddhism states that desire is the root of suffering. to want, is to suffer. and it's easier said than done, but you absolutely have to separate your feelings from the real world. this is what all of the world's most successful religions are referring to when they talk about "enlightenment." they all say it in much different ways, but this is the core goal of all of them. buddhists say it the most blatantly, and perhaps have the most straightforward path to achieving this goal. christianity and islam want this for you as well, but they have much different ways of going about it. the point is, this is a major key to staying sane in the face of wild adversity, and when things really don't go your way, keeping this mindset will keep you from doing something you regret or acting in a way that you otherwise wouldn't.

a lot of people today, especially in western countries, are relatively protected from most traumatic experiences that extremely poor or third world people regularly go through, this allows them the luxury of dealing with the 'flesh' all day. but they owe this privilege to modernity, because even the richest people during the biblical era still had to worry about all sorts of crazy shit like their kids getting kidnapped, a rival group ransacking their village, droughts, famine, disease, etc. it was never-ending for them. people needed religion to cope, they didn't have the distractions that we do. their problems were right in front of them and they couldn't look away, so they sunk their faith into whoever, and hoped that after this life, we pass on to one that is much more forgiving. it is a very wholesome thought, actually. now that that need for such cope is no longer there for many people, religion is fading away.

since the modern day secular man and woman ditched religion for self-worship, the idea that how you act when you no one is looking means anything, is starting to lose weight. "if there's no hell to worry about, why should i act properly if it doesn't benefit me?" and to someone who doesn't have God, it's actually a really good question. because why should you? why shouldn't you try to experience as much pleasure as possible while you can? why not hoard as much as you can, and stuff your face at every meal, and steal things when no one is looking? if all there is is the flesh, then there really is no good reason to be a good person. and you know, i find it really funny when reddit freaks say stuff like, "i don't need God to be a good person," while they themselves are one of the most deplorable people you've ever seen. but that's just the thing though, i do need God to be a good person. most people do. that's why redditors have the stereotype that they have, and the 'white, christian, khaki wearing family next-doors' have the stereotypes they have. but i think that the redditor type is actually very afraid of death, contrary to what they say. i think their love for things like science and technology is rooted in their fear of getting sick/growing old and dying. and i believe their obsession with things like marvel movies, funko pops, video games, anime, and nintendo, is because they are seriously terrified of actually growing up. if you told a redditor he could never play a video game again it would be like telling a regular dude that you have to amputate his penis. i'm using the term 'redditor' because they are the prime example of the type of person i am talking about, but of course there are others with these same tendencies. 

for the man of God, life is a chance to experience the flesh, to suffer, to toil, to sacrifice, to love, to hate, to laugh and cry, just as Christ did. our strength and faith is tested through trials and hardships, but in the end our soul enters paradise to spend the rest of eternity with God, and what an honor it would be. the holy man has no reason to fear death.

for the atheist, nothing matters, do whatever you want. watch porn, don't start a family, be as selfish as possible, only worry about yourself. we are just stardust, kill your babies, watch the avengers, and disparage everyone else in the process. 

the internet - censorship, ads, propaganda

hello world.

as a kid i spent a lot of time on the computer, i've discussed the reasons why in other posts, but that's not why i'm bringing this up here. when i was about five years old, my father had brought home a desktop pc. i thought it was the coolest thing in the world, and at that time, i was probably not far off. if i remember correctly, this was in 2003, or 2004. computers were nowhere near what they are today. that iphone had not been invented yet, the world hadn't gone fully crazy. the internet was such a beautiful place, it was truly a thing of the poeple at the time. corporations had their eyes on it already, but they hadn't sunk their filthy claws into it just yet. the early 2000's was simply peak internet, it will never be as good as it was back then, ever again. it was like the wild west. there was absolutely zero censorship, every website had immense personality. you were adventuring, 'surfing.' you could feel the soul of the person who made the website as you were exploring. and that was the important distinction back then, the fact that it was a person making the sites you were visting. either one guy or a very small group of people were the ones making all the sites we were using. websites owned by corporations were few and far between at the time, and marketing agencies hadn't fully grasped just how effective internet advertising was going to be in the future. so not only were there not a lot of websites owned by companies at the time, but the few that were corporate were not swayed in their decision making in fear of losing revenue from the adverts. everything posted online back then was truly for the love of the game. you didn't have to parse every bit of information you were receiving wondering if you are currently being advertised or propagandized to. 

before people had instagram accounts, people had sites like this. the memories i have of surfing the web as a kid was one of the main reasons behind me starting this website. now that i'm much older and finding myself missing those days, and noticing an extreme lack of these websites inspired me to participate, and possibly provide something with a bit of character for anyone passing by to delve into. people born in the 90's had eachother's websites to visit, personal blogs, really shitty html sites, minimal propaganda, minimal censorship, minimal ads, maximum content. and plus, everything at the time was very new, so it didn't matter that the websites were shitty or slow, we were just amazed to be online and reading posts from someone you can't see. people born in the last 15 years have nothing but instagram, tiktok, propaganda, ads, and total censorship. we now have all the content in the world and somehow everything feels old and boring before you've even seen it. the web used to be like a fresh homemade loaf of bread, fresh out of the oven. now it's like some imitation-factory-made-wheat with some company logo sticker slapped right on top of it. and you have the choice between spending 20 minutes scratching adhesive off the loaf or just saying fuck it and eating the sticker too. i want people to start making homemade bread again, but unfortunately i don't think i'm going to get my wish. boohoo for me.

this poisonous corporate sludge has been reaching into so many other aspects of life since then. i remember as a kid, when you bought a video game, no matter what the rating was, there was a disclaimer that said something to the effect of, "we gave this game a rating off of single player experience only, we cannot guarantee that the multiplayer experience will be the same." people back then used to be reasonable. last time i played video games, which was about 3 years ago, i was banned 3 separate times in less than a month for using bad language or trash talking with players online. it makes me sick to my stomach. the logic is nil, the game is rated M for mature, the characters in the game say bad words, the content in the game is obviously rather violent or gory most of the time, but if i can't say bad words while playing or my gaming privileges are revoked? are you fucking kidding me? what the fuck is wrong with everyone? where does this end? i was watching a youtube video that came out today from a decently popular account. in the video, he was censoring the word "naked." i felt an actual bit of rage inside me. the fact the word naked is being censored on a website that i currently give money too, was a thousand times more offensive than anything they could've possibly said in a video. this corporate, advertising based market has got to come to an end. this is the most, evil, fucked up, and jewish a society could possibly become. only the jews could come up with a society so backwards, where attention and spectacle become the main currency. as time goes on, it seems like attention from the masses is becoming a more valid currency than the u.s. dollar.

not a lot of people seem to take note of this problem. in my day to day life, not as many people as i would guess seem to be bothered by the nonstop bombardment of advertising. i'll complain to someone about all the billboards, popups, unskippable commercials, etc, and they'll just look at me with their glazed over eyes and say something to the effect of, "who cares." but they just really don't get it man. maybe their fluoride ridden brain has just become to fried to notice when they're being used like a literal npc character from a video game, an autonomous bot designed for the sole purposes of doing labor and paying taxes. 

i know this post seems all over the place but all these things tie into each other. advertising, propaganda, censorship - these are all things that are used to control the masses. maybe one of them by themself isn't so powerful, but when you use them at the same time, you could even sometimes see really smart people fall victim to a psyop. and that's really what everything feels like now, a psyop. almost everywhere you go on the internet it feels like someone's trying to sell you something or it's just another everyday psyop, fake news, shit. it's exhausting and quite frankly, eats at the patience i have for people as a whole. like God forbid i should see a sunset without a fucking coca cola logo smeared across it, and then if i go say something bad about it while playing call of duty, i'll get banned. cardi b and ice spice can make music videos that are just softcore porns, companies will then market these videos to young children, who will then watch these videos with an onlyfans advert in the corner. but white supremacy is the biggest problem in america, apparently. 

ye said it really well when he said that people are more offended by a swastika than they are by actual killing, that's how bad they've been brainwashed, which is so unbelievably true. these dumb art sluts think they're so edgy, they will look you in the face and say "hail satan" but if you respond with "heil hitler" they'll act like you just told them you're a proud rapist.

everything has gone in the wrong direction. the devil is certainly very pleased right now. even the good things that happen are a farse. i was very optimistic with donald trump winning, thinking okay at least some things will get better, but he seems much more interested in giving jews what they want, than anyone here in america (unless they're american jews.) no deportations, no border wall, no free speech, but these kikes in israel get 12 billion dollars since he's been in office and counting. at this point i'd let hamas tie me to a nuclear warhead and send me right to tel aviv. trump should be ashamed of himself. i feel like an idiot for putting any trust or hope that he would show up for americans. what a disappointment, he dodges a bullet so he could lick jew ass. 

remember that it takes things going really wrong before they go really right again. people right now are just too fat, comfortable, and entertained to do anything drastic. but at some point, probably when people are starving, we are run by foreigners, no one can afford they're nice iphones anymore, that will be the time that blood will start being shed. that's the only way power/wealth imbalances like this have ever been corrected in human history. we are not voting our way out of this hell, and we certainly aren't debating our way out of this. we aren't going to politely ask the powers-that-be for what is fair and they'll just hand it over. and what they've been doing for a very long time is handing over just enough scraps to keep people from blowing their lid, and with each passing month they are inching closer and closer to that line.

and just one last slightly off-topic thing to close up this post, a huge pet peeve of mine is when boomers say "you guys have it so easy today." "you kids don't know nothin' about sacrifice." are boomers really this fucking stupid? do they think that because we have iphones and playstations that are lives have become easier? these boomers got a minimum wage job and were able to afford a home, a vaction home, 3 cars, and a boat. now people making minimum wage can afford to eat a sandwich once a week. they barely raised us, most of them were busy working or vacationing to be bothered to show their children any affection or to take some time to teach them a thing or two. they are the only generation to leave their kids with less than they had. then they have audacity to tell us that we are so lucky and that we have it so much easier than they had it. the fact that they actually believe that, is so crazy, twisted, and delusional that i can barely believe it. they hoard their wealth to an insane degree, refusing to sell their home for under market value, even though they'd still be making millions on a 5-digit investment. then, they either give it all to a slot machine or spend it all on some whore, before their soulless body is finally put in a grave. i'd be lying if i told you i wasn't excited for boomers to finally die out. and on that dark note, i'll end the post. God bless.