the only way to achieve this is by being the best. women are wired to want to be with the best, but they'll happily settle for top 10%, and some would be happy with as low as top 30%, but if you're not in that bracket, it's very likely your woman is not satisfied with you, and that is the reason you can't get her to be/act the way you want her to. if you're girlfriend was with her celebrity crush, you can guarantee all of that "you're being controlling," "gaslighting," and "toxic masculinity" BullShit would go right out the window. she will do whatever that motherfucker asks without pushback and you can bet on that.
the reason for this is that she would be scared to lose him. she knows that if she gives him problems, he'll just move on to the next girl that won't. i could write an entire book going into why this is, and maybe one day i will, but as for now i'll try to put everything as simply as i can. the only way you could have a happy relationship, is if your spouse is scared to lose you. you have to be something that she cannot replace very easily. that being said, relationship mastery is ALL self improvement. Kevin Samuels said it best, "Give your woman the gift of believing you are capable of cheating on her."
women equate thoughts and memories with love. women need to have all different emotions stimulated by you or she will become bored. this is why you will often hear woman talk about leaving an otherwise "perfectly fine" man, claiming that he was boring. you could bring a woman all the security in the world, but if you are boring or have nothing exciting or at least interesting about you, she will leave. ABBA got it completely correct when they wrote Girls Just Wana Have Fun, because that's all it is. they need to be fully stimulated by you, they need to be thinking about you all of the time. the relationship must be fun for them, that is not a plus to them, that's what the relationship is to them. especially more modern women. they are not dating for necessity or with children in mind anymore. they must be having so much fun that all of a sudden they find themselves thinking "having children would be quite nice," and they didn't even see it coming.
if you are not the best version of yourself, the odds of your woman having the upmost respect for you are very low, and this is a good thing for both of you. for one reason, that adds yet another layer of motivation as to why you should become the best version of yourself. the other reason being, a woman should only be satisfied with the best of the best. this creates a wonderful cycle if recognized properly, that keeps men strong, and women safe. this process here is what Darwin was referring to, natural selection is not only a process of the weak and stupid dying off, it also includes those who live full lives but never mate. so think about that next time you don't want to go to work, or go to the gym, or make those calls you know you have to make.
if you become the man God calls you to be, you will inevitably become the man your woman needs you to be. it is indeed that simple. you have to stop lying to yourself by saying that your spouse is content with the way that you are. they are just claiming that to be nice to you, because to a certain degree, they do care about you a great deal, but you have to understand, if they are offered a better situation elsewhere, that is exactly where they will go. make sure that the likelihood of her upgrading is slim to none. women cannot downgrade in lifestyle, if she leaves you, and you truly were the best, she will actually regret it forever, but if she does find something better with someone else, she will forget you just as soon as she met you.
to cap this whole rant off, ill put it simple; become the best you. you don't have to worry about a single other thing. literally everything else will work itself out, everything. take it from me. i'm speaking from experience. i've been through all the bad, now i'm going through all the good.