how to be happy in a relationship as a man

you've heard this a million times, and if you haven't then you should've.

the only way to achieve this is by being the best. women are wired to want to be with the best, but they'll happily settle for top 10%, and some would be happy with as low as top 30%, but if you're not in that bracket, it's very likely your woman is not satisfied with you, and that is the reason you can't get her to be/act the way you want her to. if you're girlfriend was with her celebrity crush, you can guarantee all of that "you're being controlling," "gaslighting," and "toxic masculinity" BullShit would go right out the window. she will do whatever that motherfucker asks without pushback and you can bet on that.

the reason for this is that she would be scared to lose him. she knows that if she gives him problems, he'll just move on to the next girl that won't. i could write an entire book going into why this is, and maybe one day i will, but as for now i'll try to put everything as simply as i can. the only way you could have a happy relationship, is if your spouse is scared to lose you. you have to be something that she cannot replace very easily. that being said, relationship mastery is ALL self improvement. Kevin Samuels said it best, "Give your woman the gift of believing you are capable of cheating on her."

women equate thoughts and memories with love. women need to have all different emotions stimulated by you or she will become bored. this is why you will often hear woman talk about leaving an otherwise "perfectly fine" man, claiming that he was boring. you could bring a woman all the security in the world, but if you are boring or have nothing exciting or at least interesting about you, she will leave. ABBA got it completely correct when they wrote Girls Just Wana Have Fun, because that's all it is. they need to be fully stimulated by you, they need to be thinking about you all of the time. the relationship must be fun for them, that is not a plus to them, that's what the relationship is to them. especially more modern women. they are not dating for necessity or with children in mind anymore. they must be having so much fun that all of a sudden they find themselves thinking "having children would be quite nice," and they didn't even see it coming. 

if you are not the best version of yourself, the odds of your woman having the upmost respect for you are very low, and this is a good thing for both of you. for one reason, that adds yet another layer of motivation as to why you should become the best version of yourself. the other reason being, a woman should only be satisfied with the best of the best. this creates a wonderful cycle if recognized properly, that keeps men strong, and women safe. this process here is what Darwin was referring to, natural selection is not only a process of the weak and stupid dying off, it also includes those who live full lives but never mate. so think about that next time you don't want to go to work, or go to the gym, or make those calls you know you have to make.

if you become the man God calls you to be, you will inevitably become the man your woman needs you to be. it is indeed that simple. you have to stop lying to yourself by saying that your spouse is content with the way that you are. they are just claiming that to be nice to you, because to a certain degree, they do care about you a great deal, but you have to understand, if they are offered a better situation elsewhere, that is  exactly where they will go. make sure that the likelihood of her upgrading is slim to none. women cannot downgrade in lifestyle, if she leaves you, and you truly were the best, she will actually regret it forever, but if she does find something better with someone else, she will forget you just as soon as she met you.

to cap this whole rant off, ill put it simple; become the best you. you don't have to worry about a single other thing. literally everything else will work itself out, everything. take it from me. i'm speaking from experience. i've been through all the bad, now i'm going through all the good.

a weird dream

i don't remember my dreams very often, but when i do, it's pretty rare that anything interesting or significant happens in them. however about a week ago i had a dream during a nap that i've been thinking about every so often because of how terrifying it was.

i remember i was in an unfamiliar home, it was pretty large with white walls, and wooden floors, doors, stairs and railings. there was lots of wooden furniture and brown leather couches. there were absolutely no signs of humans living in it. there were no pictures on the walls or objects on tables. i don't remember who i was there with, but it felt like my house in the dream. my memory of the dream cuts in and i'm approaching the staircase to go to the second floor. i remember that i was going upstairs to look for someone. when i get to the top of the steps, i reach a sizable upstairs foyer, there are multiple ajar doors around me on the surrounding walls, all of the lights in the rooms behind the ajar doors were off. one of the doors is wide open, and it catches my focus. it's the door furthest from me, on the left side of the room. i can see the door's wide open but i can't see into the room at all so i approach it. i look inside the room and i can kind of make out in the darkness, a person on a bed. the persons torso and legs are under the blanket, and as my eyes adjust to the darkness, i can begin to see the face of the person in the bed. the eyes are completely black, and he or she was smiling at me. as my eyes adjust more and more, it seemed that the face's smile was getting deeper and somehow more awful. it didn't move. i could see from the corner of my eye that the lights downstairs turn off, and i'm now standing in the only illuminated room in the house with this thing staring at me. 

i immediately wake up after noticing the lights on the staircase shutting off. 

nov 21, 2023

business has been going rather smoothly lately, i haven't been making a ton of money this last month but i haven't lost any either, which in the construction business is truly a win. God is good. i've been feeling rather content with my life recently, i have been breathing pretty easily, i feel very optimistic about the future. i'm currently in no debt, but i'm thinking about changing that to open a second business. i want to take out a $100,000 loan once my credit goes up a few more points. i would open an beautiful, perfect, recording studio for all types of recording artists to rent out. i would hire engineers from the audio school i attended and graduated from.

i'm going to start writing a book as well, it's going to be about sin. i wrote the first page already, im obviously going to write much differently than i write on here. i want to write a short book. people's attention spans are short nowadays anyway. i know mine is.

i feel like most books are filled with way too many words. just fluff to make it look like you didn't slack while writing it, and to be honest, that type of stuff does not impress me, nor do i enjoy spending any of my time reading said fluff. so i will give the respect to you, the reader, and keep it short and to the point. i wish most authors would think this way. i will give details when necessary, yes, but i will not be repeating the same thing but with different words, that's what gets me to put a book down the fastest.

anyway, i am slacking right now. i need to finish the website for my construction company, and also set up the instagram for it. i have no internet presence, im working with absolute freaks most of the time. who the fuck goes on yelp? why am i giving yelp $600 a month am i retarded? im going to go fix that right now. God bless you guys.

on anxiety

is anxiety necessary to become great?

i personally don't see a way a person can become great without anxiety. it's very rare that someone makes drastic changes without feeling some kind of discomfort. if you're fat and happy, there are not many arguments to be made as to why you should go out and fight the world head on. 

i unfortunately know anxiety's paralyzing nature very well, but if you can get passed the inaction, anxiety can be one of your best assets. while you're progressing through the world, accidents will happen, really awful people will try to take you down, and you will make mistakes, but a healthy dose of anxiety will certainly reduce the likelihood of something like this happening. 

you certainly have to keep your eyes wide open. you have no idea what God has in store for you, nature does what it does. apart from that, people are snakes, and they will treat you in ways that will shock you. when you deal with people and there comes a time that trust is necessary, always hedge your bets, cover your ass, but with a smile. you cannot make it seem like you do not trust the other person, but in things like business transactions especially, you absolutely CANNOT trust anyone. any business that runs on trust won't last very long.

i truly understand that this is much easier said than done, but you have to use anxiety to your advantage. being laid back is good for being liked, but not for getting what you want, or doing what you need to do.

off and back on

it was sometime during the summer, the year 2020. it wasn't too late at night, maybe around 10pm. i found myself in a surprisingly decent motel room in manhasset, new york, behind a chinese restaurant. i was there with my partner, trying to get powder and pills we had sold. when we got there, i quickly realized i despised everyone in the room with us. they were just the most degenerate, awful, scummy people you could ever meet. there were six of them, and i know as of today, two of the six are dead, but i wouldn't be surprised if the rest of them followed suit. 

two of the people there were brothers, puerto ricans, ages twenty-two and seventeen. the older one is one of the two that are no longer alive. when we first got in the room, i let my backpack down on a table. i had a bag of personal pills that i would take, in the side pocket of the backpack. i swear to God i must've taken my eyes off this bag for 30 seconds and one of these pieces of shit stole it, and then pretended to not know what i was talking about. it makes me feel good when people like this die young.

anyway, i take the opportunity of being in a paid-for motel room to sit my ass down and have all my customers come meet me there. ill make use of these junkies one way or another. they were all half asleep on my painkillers anyway. it was a saturday night, so a lot of people were stopping by the motel room to buy cocaine from either me or my partner. we just set up shop. as it got a bit later, probably around midnight, one of the junkies came back in the motel room with two new guests. these new guests i was not so upset about. they were two lesbian women, not attractive at all, tough, street lesbians. i was happy about there presence because they were both very kind, one was quiet, and the other was very talkative, and funny. the louder one was the masculine one in the couple for sure. she was big for a woman, both in height, and build, "butch." but wow did she have some charisma, i wonder where she is today and what she's up to.

at one point she was in the middle of telling a story when all of a sudden, we hear heavy labored breathing coming from one corner of the room. everyone in unison darts their eyes in that direction. the younger, 17 year old puerto rican kid was leaned all the way back in his chair, eyes rolled all the back, making that horrible sound every opiate dealer knows very well. death rattle. everyone in the room is shocked, the older brother starts freaking out and breaking shit in the room, because that's the type of idiot human he used to be when he was alive. while he was being of no use, the butch lesbian goes to work, trying to revive the kid. she's slapping him, throwing cold water on him, trying CPR, every junkie revival trick in the book, at least my book. she then says, "hold on, im gonna try something, it might be weird but i've seen it work." she puts her hand in the boys pants, and starts jerking him off.

"it gets your blood flowing, i dont know if it works for chicks." after about twenty seconds of it, the kid opened his fucking eyes. i couldn't fucking believe it. him and his brother started hugging and crying. he made him swear that he would never do it again, but i'd bet everything i love that he's done it again.